Diamond vs. Cubic Zarconia

June 28, 2011


Jeremiah 31:25 “For I satisfy the weary ones and refresh everyone who languishes."

When I read this scripture, I thought what does my Lord mean “satisfy?” How does He satisfy the weary? I feel extremely weary and tired. Will He satisfy me? I know He can, but will He? I have felt weary for years now. Recently, it seems the weariness is greater and I wonder what does it look like or feel like to be satisfied in this place?

I am in a foreign place… A place of letting go, giving up, sitting back, resting. Not because I don’t want to fight or can’t fight, but because I am learning that it is not my fight; it is the Lord’s. For so many years I have yielded my sword, built up walls, created kingdoms, and established boundaries, all in the name of God. I fought against the spirit of religion, the lies of the enemy, the generational curses, the governmental bondage, and the systems of this world. I have been successful in most of these areas. I have established a reputation of kicking ass and taking names. I have built a kingdom that has my stench all over it. I set boundaries up to keep people out and to stay safe. I did what I was supposed to do to be a “woman of faith.” Yet, yet… it was all in vain. All of it was a façade of Churchianity and Christianese. All of it was manmade, man directed, man appointed crap. And so, now, at this place I see that I am weary from building in vain. I am tired of getting no return on my investments. Psalm 127:1 says, “Song of Ascents, of Solomon. Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the LORD guards the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain.” So what is it that the Lord built in my life?

My marriage was built by God and my family- Elijah, Noah and Carah. The Lord built that house in us. All of our decisions and all the things we built outside of our family we merely surface changes to the actual structure built by God. I wonder at how I got to this place. Believing I was building alongside my Lord, only to realize I was building without Him. And that is when the weariness set in. Fighting, fighting, striving, grasping. Ironically, I was noticing all the “other” people who were building in vain and pointing my finger at them in discontent. I would pat myself on the back and say, “Good thing I am not like them!” And in a lot of ways I was not like them. I was not building the same kind of building they were building. I was building one that was more humble, lowlier… or at least that was the appearance. I pointed out religious nonsense and lies and wondered how people would build such things, when all the while I was building up a strong tower of “faith” and “righteousness” that was holy… right?

Well that is where reality set in. I was building the right stuff. I was just using the wrong tools and the wrong materials. It is like showing the world the diamond you made by your own hand…only it is not a diamond at all. It is a Cubic zirconia, the cubic crystalline form of zirconium dioxide (ZrO2). The synthesized material is hard, optically flawless and usually colorless. Although it looks like a diamond, is flawless, is beautiful, and sparkles with great intensity… It is still just a synthetic copy of the organic, timeless, true diamond that can only be created by the hand of God in the deepest darkest places of pressure and heat and time. It cannot replace the true original creation. I became a master builder of the synthetic. Like cubic zirconia, it has value and is the strongest competitor to the real thing. I prayed and fasted, ministered the gospel, fed the hungry and cared for the orphaned and widowed; because I am supposed to, right? Or was I? Of course we are all commanded to do those things, it is right the in the Bible. But that is where most Christians get tangled up in the manmade mandate of Christianity. It is not that we are not supposed to do those things, we are. What I am getting at is the heart of it. What is the material made of, what are the tools we are using? In reality the most important thing, the foundation of our buildings is Jesus Christ. And while he was here on this earth, He was not concerned with the mandates; He was only concerned with LOVE. How do I love my people, how do I love the sick, how do I love the lost, how do I love the downcast, the wicked, the rebellious. Jesus loved. He said, “The greatest commandment is this; LOVE the LORD your God with all your heart, mind and soul and love your neighbor as yourself.”

So the tools are love. In that space, Mary sat at the feet of Jesus, while Martha reprimanded her for not helping “build” what was needed. Jesus said that Mary had chosen what was better and it would not be taken from her. (Luke 10:38-42). Martha was doing what was right, but Mary was doing what was best. Martha-cubic zarconia; Mary-diamond. Both beautiful, both valuable, but one is synthetic and one is authentic.

I have been Martha, building the good stuff, serving, laboring, and preparing for my Lord. But now the Lord is requiring I sit and be satisfied by His glory. I made myself weary, the sorrow of life made me weary, and the pain of suffering mad me weary. And I hear the Lord say, I will satisfy you. And so I am learning to rest and be satisfied by my Lord ALONE. “There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; 10 for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works,[a] just as God did from his. 11 Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience.” Hebrew 4:9-11

Thank you Lord for satisfying me when I am weary and teaching me to rest in you and not labor in vain.