The Clock Is Ticking

The clock is ticking.

Can you hear it?

Can you hear the rhythm of the beat of time?

Its resounding pounding in my chest never leaves. It always hovers, it never ceases.

The clock is ticking.

Time is moving forward, leaving behind all the things that encumber us.

Never going backwards, always moving into the future.

Its persistence drags us along, whether we want it to or not.

Tick tock, tick tock

It sounds threatening at times, as if a bomb is about to blow.

Tick tock, tick tock

It sounds soothing, a distant white noise that lulls.

Tick tock, tick tock

It sounds like the thunder of our lives, loud and powerful.

I cannot stop it. I can’t control its motion. Yet it follows me like a lost puppy trying to find a home. I want to run from it, tell it to stop. It continually creeps up on me, yet it is always constant.

It devours children and turns them into adults. It consumes life and leaves you with gray hair and wrinkles. Slowly sipping at the dreams that sit hidden inside.

It is time. It is time to take time by the horns and subdue it. To ride the wild beast and tame it. It is time to turn the ticking into an anthem of life. To write lyrics to the rhythm of the beating drum that constantly follows us.

It is time. It is time to push the hands of time into submission. To engage it with force and purpose. To bend the reality that is given to us. Dancing to the melody of its tempo and moving harmoniously in conjunction with the music within us that makes this life of time beautiful.

It is time. It is time to move into action. To stop the time bomb that is ticking and turn it into notes on a page of purpose and calling. No more will the hands shove and push us to do what it wants. Rather we will be one step ahead, declaring the promises of time and seasons.

Tick tock, tick tock

Can you hear it?

It’s your anthem to move, to dance.

To proclaim freedom from the bonds of time and live in the freedom of knowing you are called to a purpose that is greater than the constraints time puts on us.

Tick tock, tick tock

Do you hear it?

Tick tock, tick

Are you dancing to its beat?

Tick tock

Are you moved by its poetic resound?

Tick

Are you comforted by its lullaby?

Breathe, in

Breathe, out

You are the author of your own story.

Believe it

Live it!

Counting the Cost of Freedom

The lights in the room are turned off, music plays, lyrics flash on the screen in the room.

Twenty seven young men sit and watch as the words flash in front of their eyes:

I won't stay here another night

If I gotta sacrifice

Who I am on the inside

I'd rather be an outsider

And you can stay if you'd like

I'll see you on the other side

I wanna live the free life

I'd rather be an outsider [5x]

Yeah

Outsiders

I really can't tell if I'm over-dressed or I'm under-dressed

If I'm under-paid, or just over-stressed

If I'm cynical, or just over this

Cause I'm tired of trying to get over them

Man, it's over then, party's over

You probably couldn't tell that we over here, because you hardly sober

Double shots in that ego

They laughing at us, yeah, we know

Maybe at the bottom, but we not forgotten

The directors plotting that sequel

Till' then we live on the outside

And it might storm and we might die

But, I'd rather go where my fist high

Standing outside of your inside

I tried my best to fit in

Looking for a suit to fit in

Standing outside of your prison

Trying to find ways I could get in

Now I realize that I'm free

And I realize that I'm me

And I found out that I'm not alone cause' there's plenty people like me

That's right there's plenty people like me

All love me, despite me

And all unashamed and all unafraid to speak out for what we might see

I said there's plenty people like me

All outsiders like me

And all unashamed and all unafraid to live out what they supposed to be

Uh

I know what they asking for, I know what they asking for

But, how you gonna come and charge me, my life is sold, and then turn around and ask for more

Time to go, plus the line is long

I'ma color the outside, but lines a drone

If you wanna exclude me, for being the true me

It's Gucci, I already found my home

Homesick

Homeless, if I'm on this

Cause' my home is somewhere I ain't never been before

I'ma own this here gift, even if it doesn't fit in the box that'll bleed these folks

Some of ya'll don't need these quotes

I ain't tryna' eat, I'm tryna' feed these folks

Martin, Mandela, yeah, we need these folks

We believe these folks

We can be these folks

Yeah

But they want me to take an L

Tired of taking losses, so they can call me a failure

I failed at being you, but I'm winning at being me

I'm winning at being free, ain't no competition but me

See I realize that I'm free

And I realize that I'm me

And I found out that I'm not alone, and there's plenty of people like me

I said there's plenty of people like me

All outsiders like me

All unashamed and all unafraid to live out what they supposed to be

Outsiders!

You spend your time

So many lives

Turn on the lights

Open your eye

We'll be running through the night

It's brighter on the other side

Somethings bigger than You and I

Brighter on the other side [5x]

The lights turn on and they are looking at a fisherman of Jesus. His heart is full and his passion is intense. He is overwhelmed with love for the boys who are seeking the Christ, a Savior. He is not eloquent, he did not receive a Bible degree or any degree for that matter. He is like Peter. An entrepreneur, who left all he had to follow Jesus. When Jesus said walk on water, Peter said, “Yes Lord.” Peter was the only one of his followers who said yes. It is true with this 21^st century Peter. When the Lord said, “Trust Me, Follow Me, Believe Me,” he said yes.

The young men listen intently, yet they are still young men. Giggles, phones flashing off and on, fidgeting, pushing each other to move, getting up to go to the bathroom, take a phone call or get more food. There are only males in the group. No young girls to distract them from hearing the Holy Spirit. I see them crowded around the room, on couches, laying on the floor, sitting on the fringes and realize they have become brothers. They are becoming a family. They are open and honest, they share their struggles and fears and weaknesses. They cry in front of each other, confess sin to each other, grow with each other.

They are learning how to be an Outsider. Learning how to Rebel against the world. They are multicultural, coming from very different backgrounds and experiences. Their hearts are torn into pieces from a life that isn’t fair. Many of them do not have fathers that are present. Raised by single moms or grandmothers, they long to know what a REAL MAN is. They are desperate, hungry for TRUTH. They want to be different. They want to be Men of Honor, Men of Character, Men of Integrity.

So the group grows. It started with 6 young men, 2 of which were our own. Some young men gave their lives to Christ at a football camp, but had no place to grow. The fisherman saw that they needed a place, so started a little Bible Study, called Real Talk. He gave them space to come as they were. Rough, cussing, drinking, smoking pot, having sex - young men, followed the fisherman to grow in their new found faith. That was September 2012. Those 6 young men were discipled and loved, and learned how to be a follower of Jesus. The next year, September 2013, the young new fishermen started sharing their faith with others. One by one new boys started coming. One by one young men gave their lives to Christ. One by one young men made a public profession of faith and were baptized. The group grew; in faith and in number.

Then, it happened. Something I used to read about in Revelation. Something that seemed so far off from my everyday life. Christians being beheaded for their faith. Twenty one young men, going about their lives, were abducted and brought to an ISIS camp for the purpose of terror and threat. They weren’t much different from our young men sitting in the youth room we meet in. Men, on their way to work, newly married, looking for a job. Men who were fathers, sons and husbands. They weren’t radical Christians, they were everyday Christians. Men, who went to church, who worked, who loved their families. My image of what the beheaded Christians looked like in Revelation was very different than what I saw on the news. They are us, just in another country. They were once new believers, walking away from the world and walking in faith in a country that denies it. They were Outsiders who died for their faith, who were killed simply because they loved Jesus.

I look around the room and see the two young men who just gave their lives to Christ this weekend. I wonder if they know how much it costs to follow Jesus. I wonder if they would lose their life for Him, knowing that they would spend eternity with their Savior. For these boys a beheading is far from their minds. But death is not. Just the week before another young life was taken by gangs. They are familiar with it. They know how short life can be. The fisherman reads Romans 12; Do not be conformed to this world, but renew your mind. For this group of young men walking away from the world, it is the biggest challenge of their lives.

They are learning to be Outsiders. They are beginning to believe that they are free, they are realizing who they are and that there are plenty of people like them, all love them, despite them; all unashamed and all unafraid to speak out for what they might see. Outsiders who aren’t afraid to live out what they are supposed to be.

And so, this group of Outsiders becomes a family. They stand outside the prison, door open and encourage others to follow them to the place where freedom is.

Please pray for our Christian men. They are being devoured by the enemy. Please consider partnering with what God is doing in our West Fresno/Easton area.

For more information about how you can partner with us call 559-776-9313

Or Go to our Facebook page and LIKE

Real Authentic Worship

Beukers Family Year in Review

FREEDOM

July 4, 2011

Freedom... That is what we, as Americans, celebrate today, our country’s declaration of independence from oppressive government. Something I am extremely passionate about: Preserving this heritage for my children and grandchildren and great grandchildren. I value the concept, the idea, the truth of freedom and liberty. Yet I am learning that true freedom is not something that can be held by a country, it cannot be written on a piece of paper, it cannot by turned into a law. Freedom is a transformation of the heart. It is the renewal of our minds. The former is just an expression of the transformation and renewal that happens with each of us individually. Even in this great country, the idea of freedom started with the journey of some very determined people who wanted the freedom to worship God, to live out the spiritual freedom they had experienced in their own lives… It was the manifestation of what was happening inside. Without it, this country is just another nation, where people fight for there own individual expression of freedom. That only breeds disunity and discontent among our fellow countrymen and woman. True freedom is where the Spirit of the Lord is. (2 Corinthians 3:17) When many people come together with the Spirit of God upon them it results in a people, a community, a nation and a world where there is unity and peace and love. No amount of politics, parties, conventions, meetings or world order can bring true freedom. “It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery,” Galatians 5:1. Everyonne in this world is a slave to this world. To the corruption of what this world has to offer, "So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;  idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.  Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." Galatians 5:16-25. We have to declare our freedom in Christ and take that first step with the Spirit of God.

This kind of freedom starts with me. It starts with you and then spreads to the next person, then the next, then the next, until an entire community is changed, then a city, then a state, then a nation, then the world. Even the good intentions of all the pastors and missionaries and clergy of the world cannot change the heart of people. It is in the heart that we must grasp for every morsel of truth and freedom we can get our hands on.

So what is it that we are trying to free ourselves from? Anything and everything that binds us to this world. Anything and everything that controls our thoughts and emotions that cause us harm or cause us to harm others. Anything and everything that keeps us from the love of a Savior, who died to gives us that freedom, in Him, to live eternally after we leave this wicked world. Anything and everything that keeps us from being a light, a life source to people who live in this world. Anything that is the leading of the flesh and keeps us from the being led by the Spirit of God.

I am one in chains. A woman who sits here writing about the very chains that keeps me from walking in total freedom. I am one who drags behind me the bondage of unforgiveness, anger, hurt, pain and fear. With every day that passes my fight for freedom continues…Fighting, unrelenting until the bondage is gone and I can stand with great resolve, in the face of the wickedness that tries to overtake my soul.

Yet, in my finest hour, with Braveheart qualities, and Joan of Arc passion, I still fall short of the freedom I desire. I realize that it is not I who can bring freedom to my spirit and soul. It is only the by the grace and love of Jesus Christ. It is in this place that I feel helpless, vulnerable, and spiritually blind. I have relinquished control of my own destiny and handed it over to my Lord, with great reluctance. I sense the danger, can smell the wicked stench surround me, but can see nothing. In this great surrender of my own will, I have to trust the God who breathed life into me. What an ironic disposition… trusting the very God who created me? Why would I not trust Him? Yet, part of me does not. There has been suffering and loss, I have walked through the wilderness, and that is why I wonder, can I? Can I trust a God that watched me go through such heart ache? A gentle tug on my heart reminds me that the Creator of this universe watched His son go through the greatest pain in history. Can I trust Him? Can I trust my God with my heart? I have no other choice. I have already walked down the road and failed… I have already yielded my sword in my own strength and suffered the battle wounds of fighting this battle on my own. I cannot, I will not walk down this road again. With all of my knowledge of the Word of God, in all my conversations with my Savior, in all of my gifts by the Holy Spirit, I still walked down the road of independence. The road that promised freedom from the past and hurt, but it was a religious sidetrack that got me only more scars, more hurt.

So here I am…blind to the road before me, unable to see what lies ahead. Not sure how we will pay our rent, buy food, pay for gas. Not sure if my mom will live or die, unknowing if I will ever speak to my father again. Unsure if I will ever be vindicated for the things that happened to me as a little girl. I am blind. I cannot see if my kids will do all that they have set out to do. I step into a world unfamiliar to me. Tasting, smelling and hearing the freedom that lies ahead, but so unsure of my next step. Will I fall? Will I go the wrong way? Is there danger ahead? It has paralyzed me. It is sucked the life out of me, it has stolen my joy. But no more!!! I will not let the blindness hinder me from being who God called me to be.

While watching a show called “Expedition Impossible” the Lord spoke to me about my spiritual blindness. There are 12 teams of 3, each going through intense physical and intellectual journeys to reach the safe place at the end of each leg of the race. There is a team called "No Limits" and one of the three men is blind. This man is no ordinary man. Before this game show, he climbed Mt. Everest, hiked, canoed and traveled to many places. Watching him and listening to him, I am amazed at his joy and passion. I watched him ride a camel and horse, climb sand dunes and mountains, repel down a mountain, kayak and trust his 2 other teammates. His teammates wear a bell for him to tune into to know where to go. I am amazed at how he delights in each challenge, seemingly enjoying the journey. That is the place where he and I differ. He enjoys his journey in the darkness and I am complaining along the journey in the darkness. In some cases, I will not even move. I will just sit and waste precious time. I have learned a great deal from this man. In his physical blindness he has learned to enjoy the journey of his life. I too, want to do the same. In this dark place, not knowing where I am going or how I am going to get there, I need to learn how to enjoy the journey. When it seems overwhelming, like I am standing on the edge of a cliff, instead of being overtaken with fear and anxiety, I need to get on my repelling gear and just keep on going….
( http://abc.go.com/watch/expedition-impossible/SH55126301?CID=google_sem_1 )

So today, I will tune my ear to the bell my Lord wears and take my first step to enjoying the journey of complete and total freedom!

Letting Go

Monday, June 13, 2011

Letting go…

I hold on, tight, to everything I love. I don’t want it to slip through my fingers. I love my husband and hold him very tight, very close to me. My children are my heart and I squish them and hold them, as much as I can, as long as they will let me. I hold on to my extended family and love them, sometimes from a distance, but deep inside my heart.

This morning Elijah went to summer school at the local high school. A sophomore, my baby is a sophomore. The time has flown by and I am not sure where it went. He looks so confident, so sure. He is in a new environment, new town, new surroundings. I want to hold on to him. Keep him at home and home school him until he graduates, but chances are I would be writing this same thing 3 years from now about letting go. It is so hard. I want to savor every moment and I am nowhere near him. When he gets home from football or school, he gives me a 10 minutes lowdown of an 8 hour day. He is becoming a man and I have to let go so that he can walk all the way down the road to adulthood.

These are the moments I wish I had more kids. These are the days when my heart beats out of my chest in agony of having to let go. I ponder these things and wonder why I don’t want to let go. Where is the root of this? I wonder if it has to do with letting go of my dad when he and my mom were divorced. Maybe it has to do with letting go of believing my parents would get back together. Maybe it is letting go my siblings when I got married and left home when they were still young. Maybe it has to do with letting go with my father, who I try to make have a relationship with me. Perhaps it is letting go of the hope of being close to my extended family. Could it be letting go of the anger I had for the person who stole my innocence and then denied it. Or maybe it is letting go of the pain I have felt for so long. Maybe it is the pain that chiseled and defined me as a person. I have had to let go of that false identity and learn all over again who I really am.

The hardest thing I had to do so far was let go of my sister. I always had to protect, and encourage and inspire and push. Or did I? I had to let go of feeling responsible for her and just being her sister. I have an amazing relationship with her, but have had to learn how to redefine my relationship with her, hands open, instead of hands clenched.

So I hold tight, since so many things were taken out of my hand, without my consent. So many things in my life were ripped from me, leaving scars on my hands. I do not want to do that to my kids, my husband. I want to love them with open hands, open arms, so they have the freedom to be who God created them to be. I let go, because they belong to God, everything I hold tight to, belongs to God.

And now I am sitting here, wondering how I am going to let go of my mom. Learning how to let go of the control I think I have in her healing, in her health. I am a fighter and so believe that if I fight hard enough, I will conquer the cancer. But I am learning that it is not my fight. All I can do is pray, lover her and surrender the rest to God.

Funny, today my devotional was called “Letting Go is Hard.” Hmmmm…


Letting Go Is Hard


I am the LORD your God. You shall have no other gods before Me. Exodus 20:2-3


What are you needlessly holding on to so tightly today? Corrie Ten Boom once said that she learned to hold on to things loosely because it hurt too much when God pried them away. There are many things in our life that we get attached to: our work becomes our identity, our homes become our personality, our children become our goals. Sometimes it is hard to know who we were before these things came in and took over our lives. Where do I end and these things begin? When God challenges us on our priorities, it is difficult to truly understand what He is doing.


Because I work in the ministry, it gets confusing at times to separate my walk with the Lord from my work in the Lord. Recently, I have fallen in love with the plans of a ministry that truly helps people and honors God. I received His promises and His revelation of how to get the ministry started. Then, out of the blue, I had the sense that He wanted me to give the ministry to someone else to do. He used me to get the ministry going, but now He wanted me to let it go and not feel that I must do the work for Him. It was hard to let go because that ministry had become a key part of my life. How do you let go of something that God placed in your heart to do, so that you can honor God by not doing it?


We have to remember that nothing is ours. We are just stewards entrusted with the Master's gifts. Our calling is to be obedient. Our hearts are to have nothing above Him, including His ministries or His children or His blessings. These things become little gods in our lives if we are not careful, because even they can be all-consuming over dedicated devotion to Him. We are to align ourselves up with Jesus, to rest at His feet and to have a relationship with Him. Jesus wants you, not what you can do!


Lord, thank You that You don't want my attention divided. I am sorry that I fall in love with the blessings You have given me to a point of missing Your will. Help me to walk in Your paths and stay in step with Your call. You have given me everything I have and I give it all back to You. Be glorified in me, Lord. I know I can't let go on my own, so I will pray for Your guidance. May I be an open vessel for You, only allowing what You desire to flow through me in whatever timing You want it to flow. Thank You for reminding me that nothing that I own is really is mine: work, family, accomplishments, possessions. It is all Yours. I look around me this moment and think of all the blessings You have provided, reminding myself that none of it is mine to keep. Father, I just want to be a faithful steward of everything You have provided me, offering it all back to You in some way. Show me how I am to do that today. I want to use what you have provided me to glorify You. Amen.


Original source: Daily Disciples