Keeping it real... ie confession

So there are times in my "righteous" life that I loose it... Yes it is true... hee hee...

I totally lost it on my kids. My oldest son ripped a picture of my husband when he was a baby out of pure carelessness and I just lost it... Started yelling and screaming at him, then at the other kids. Then I said the "F" word which just traumatized my kids. My middle son, Noah, who is very tender and compassionate was heartbroken. He said I scared him when I cussed. My youngest daughter, Carah, said, "mommy, you said a bad word and that makes God sad." My oldest son, Elijah, who I went off on the most just sat in silence. My husband looked at me with eyes that said, "I don't agree with how you are handling the situation, but I am going to let you continue." Afterward, my husband told the kids it was smack down time and corraled them to the boys room.

I sat on the couch feeling like the worst mom on the planet. I am trying to get closer to God in Real Authentic Worship. And instead, I am hurling f bombs

The Adventure

So it has been a month since Rhema has closed and Bill has still not gotten hired at any of the restaurants he has applied at. There are 3 that are extremely interested, but wont make their decision until the end of the week...

In the meantime, we are selling stuff off at the restaurant and cleaning it out. Our lease is terminated on the 20th of June, so we have to get everything out before then. The amazing thing is, we are not struggling. We are able to pay all of our bills and have a car to drive and food in our bellies. We are experiencing such joy and excitement for what God is doing.

Last week I cried out to God and let Him know that I could not go through another season of darkness... and my Father so graciously and lovingly let me know that we are not in a season, JUST at a stop light, and it is red. So we are sitting here waiting for the spiritual light to turn green. And while we have been waiting, the other lights around us, in the intersection, are turning green... and what has been happening is many people are walking in front of us, that have impacted our lives significantly. A lot of things are taking place right before us and many experiences are happening to us that are divine.

Basically, God is moving people and changing circumstances all around us, so that when the light turns green, we go down the street He has for us. It is quite an adventure. I told Bill, I am excited to see what God is doing behind the scenes. I mean it has been a month and the light is still red. He must be doing some pretty incredible stuff in prepration for us to go forward...

So in essence, I feel excited to be as part of God's adventure. Unsure of what is going to happen next and delighted to walk in the divine inspiration of God's calling. It can be hard waiting, but today, it is delightful. Today I feel estatic about totally depending upon God... I look foward to moving into a new understanding and revelation of who my Father is and love the adventure of the unknown road we are waiting to go down.

More about me...

I see myself as a woman desperate for the greater things of God. I am an overcomer of many things and yet have more things to overcome. I have never been content with my spiritual state and will never be until I am transformed to be with Christ.
I am constantly studying, praying, fasting and growing... I have been at the bottom and at the top. I have been without and have had plenty.My desire is to grow to a place where, by the power of the blood of Jesus, I can be His hands and heal the sick, and raise the dead and give sight to the blind, cast out demons-as the early church did. I grieve when I see the bride of Christ and want to help beautify her. I believe that EVERYONE has a unique calling and not just a select few.I would be considered to be of the emergent or postmodern mindset, but that is just another label.

My hope is that this blog will connect me and my husband to other people with similar mindsets... similar vision...similar calling...