Changing my mindset

Christmas came and went. My sister and her family came to spend time with us at our home and we had an amazing time of celebration, love, family, connecting and remembering. We ate and drank a lot and laughed and cried a lot. She is moving to Georgia in a little over a month and my heart is grieved.


2013 is upon us and I sit here, in my home, reflecting on the previous year. I am not one for making New Year’s resolutions, as they can be a bit cliché; however, this year, with so many things that I want to put behind me, I have determined that it is a great time to make some goals for the year. Bill and I have included our kids on the challenge and we are each writing out realistic goals that we will try to reach for.

Mine of course has to do with my health and weight. I have failed big to keep any type of diet and exercise routine during Christmas, but have given myself grace. A new concept I am learning, which I believe will benefit me on this journey. Here are my goals:

1. Eat 1500 calories a day

2. Work out a minimum of twice a day

3. Apply for Biggest Loser

4. Lose 100 pounds

5. Get off blood pressure medication

6. Finish my book

7. Finish 2 years of scrapbooks

8. Get more followers for my blog

9. Start series of Children’s books that I started years ago

10. Purge the stuff from my house that I don’t need

11. Grow closer to the Lord

I have determined that having goals and working toward them actually gives me a sense of purpose. With the kids all in school, I felt purposeless and had a hard time focusing on anything as my whole life was summed up in my kids. I have reached the top of the hill with parenting and am on the other side now going downhill towards letting them go. In less than 6 years all my kids will be adults, looking toward their futures and I have to begin to change my focus as a parent.

For me the number one priority is my health. It is not just a change in behavior, but a change in mindset. I am so discouraged by so many failed attempts of weight loss that I find I lack the motivation and determination I once strived in. My heart is broken, my mind is tired and body is heavy. My relationship with the Lord is hard, as I feel abandoned by Him. My mind cannot comprehend why and how he would allow so many things to transpire in our lives, even in obedience. I find it hard to talk to Him and hard to trust Him. I know it needs to change, but my heart is broken and needs healing. I hope that this journey will help me heal, help me grow closer to the Lord, I hope.

I can feel the change in the spiritual atmosphere, I can hear the heartbeat of the earth slowing down, and I can see the realm of darkness closing in. I must change my mind, body and soul to prepare for what is ahead. I must achieve my goals. I need to push forward and stop looking back. I must, I hope, I need… I want to fight for my goals, but I am too weak, to weary; so I can only hope that my efforts are enough. I can no long fight my way to the surface of breakthrough. All I can do is my best and hope that it is enough.

Merry Christmas, I pray that you were blessed with love and joy as you celebrated the birth of our Savior.

Happy New Year, May you obtain all the goals you set. May your life be filled with health, prosperity and love.