Overwhelmed
Overwhelmed by the presence of God.
I cannot even begin to express the emotions that have
overtaken my soul….
It was almost 11:30pm on a cold winter’s night. I was at a
stop sign and a man with a stroller packed with items was crossing in front of
me. My heart ached for him, it was cold and the Fresno fog was rolling in,
causing the air to be wet and miserable for anyone without shelter. I pulled
out and turned left and turned to me daughter and said, “My heart breaks for him.”
I have a general sense of empathy for those who are in need and try my best to
help in any way I can. I spoke out loud and said, “Lord, I don’t know what to
do in these kind of situations, I want to help, but don’t know what to do.”
This is something I say on a regular basis, as a resident of Fresno County.
Homelessness is all around in abundance and I feel overwhelmed by the need that
exists.
Overwhelmed.
I am a good Christian. I fight daily for righteousness, I
follow God’s commandments the best I can. I obey God when I hear him speak and
I stand for truth, love and grace in a broken world. I have been helping
homeless people for years. I have had some amazing encounters with people who
live outside the walls of our society, on the fringes of community life and
have felt extremely blessed.
Tonight as I saw this man walking in the 40 degree temperature,
I felt compelled to help, to do something. It is my duty, my responsibility to
help the poor. It is in the Bible. It is what we should all be doing to some
extent. So I asked the LORD, something or some way, perhaps I have never asked
before. “LORD, what do YOU want me to do for this man?” It seems to me that I
have asked this questions before, but something shifted in the spirit and in my
being.
I heard the LORD immediately say, “Buy him coffee.” So we
drove 100 feet to the gas station and walked into the store to get coffee.
There was a rack of hats and gloves and the LORD said, “Get him a hat and
gloves.” So we looked at the rack and saw some beanies and fur hats. The LORD
said, “Get him the best! The fur lined hat, the double lined gloves.” So I did.
My daughter filled up the large coffee and we grabbed some cream and sugar. We
got into our car and drove to meet him on the street. I pulled over on the side
of the rode, right in front of him and got out of the car. I could tell he was apprehensive
at our arrival, so I spoke gently and clearly, “Hi, it’s really cold out here
tonight, so we wanted to make sure you were warm. We got you some coffee and
some gloves and a warm fuzzy hat.”
This gentle older man was so gracious and kind. “Thank you,”
he said. “I am lost I think, I have been walking around for hours and don’t know
where I am.” I was putting helping him put the gloves on his hands. His hand
were numb from the cold and stiff. I was having a hard time putting the double
line gloves on each finger, as he was not able to really move them. My daughter
asked him if he liked cream and sugar in his coffee and he gently responded, “Oh
yes, I would love some, thank you.” I finally was able to get one glove on and
then put the fur hat on his head. It was black and red buffalo check with a
brown and gray fur along the sides that covered his ears and dawned his
forehead.
His countenance changed and a soft glow began to adorn his
face. “Does that feel snug?” I asked. His smiled and responded, “Yes, it fits
perfect.” My daughter and I were shivering from the cold. We had jumped out of
our heated car and didn’t think about putting on a jacket. As I was trying to
put the other glove on his left hand, he noticed we were shivering. “Are you
cold?” he asked. “Yes, I said, but we will be okay, let me just help you get
this other glove on. “Here you can have my jacket, to keep you warm,” he
offered. My daughter looked at me in disbelief and I was wrecked. My heart was
struck with this overwhelming emotion that I have yet to unpack. “No, no, I am
good,” my daughter replied, “I have a sweater in the car. I had no words
really. Just this encounter with humanity that broke me in suck a way that the repercussions
of it moved me for hours. His jacket was unzipped and so I asked him if he
would like me to zip it for him. “Oh yes, thank you,” he said, “You are
spoiling me.” The sincerity in his voice was so transparent and authentic that
again, I was struck by this emotion that I cannot describe. I began to zip up
his jacket. I told him to wait a minute that I was going to get something out
of my car. I looked into my Yukon and saw three warm items.
Before we left to go to Sonora today I grabbed a black zip
up sweat shirt. I was getting ready to leave and went back into the closet and
took out another jacket, a fleece one, just in case is was really cold when we
got there. Then as I was loading the warm items into the back seat of my car, I
saw another sweatshirt in my other car and took it out and put it into the back
seat of my Yukon. It was one of those moments that made no sense at all in real
time, but made perfect sense in my mind.
I took the black half zip sweatshirt and brought it to him. “Is
it ok if I take off your jacket, so we can get this sweatshirt underneath to
give you some extra warmth?” “Yes, of course, that would be great!” he said. So
I helped him take the green jacket off, so we could give him some layers. As I
took the green jacket off, it was pretty wet, both inside and outside. My heart
was burdened with the reality that this man was walking in this cold with a wet
jacket on, no gloves, and no hat and was completely lost. My daughter heard the
LORD tell her that he was dehydrated, so acted quickly and got some water we
had in the car, “Here you go, would you like some water?” she asked. “Oh yes,
thank you,” he said. He could not get the cap off with his gloves, so we
removed the cap and he drank the entire bottle as if he had not had water for a
long time. I helped him put on the black sweatshirt, my daughter handed him the
warm coffee and I told him that the jacket was not good to put back on.
I went into the car and saw the purple fleece jacket. The
one my mother-in-law got me for Christmas to wear to my son’s high school
football games in the winter. I loved that jacket. It had a zipper that went
all the way under my chin and pockets inside and out. The outside pockets
zipped up so that you could store gloves or items that would not fall out.
Tonight, as the temperature continued to drop and the smoke raised from my lips
due to the cold, I felt the presence of God so strong, it was as if HE was
standing right next to me. I could see Him smile at me and say, “Yes daughter,
give this man this beloved jacket. You are blessing him with my love and I want
him to have the best.” I did not grieve or second guess this gesture, like I
would usually do. Rather, I got excited to partner with my God in showing His love.
I got the jacket and began to put it on him.
As I helped this beautiful soul put the purple jacket on his
cold body, he beamed some more. It is purple… purple like royalty. This older
homeless gently soul was my God’s son, his beloved creation that was alone,
cold and lost. I noticed that jacket had elastic on the end of the sleeves and
told him that it would keep the gloves on the cold out. We got some money and
put it in the jacket pocket and showed him that it zipped up, so he would have
to worry about it falling out or getting lost. I zipped up the jacket all the
way to under his chin. He was covered and warm. His gray beard gleamed as the
street lights bounced off the dew in the air.
“Are you hungry?” I asked.
“Yes, but you have already done too much for me. I will be
ok.”
God said… my God said to my heart with power and love. “I
have more for you to do for him, so he knows I see him.”
“I have not done too much, I have hardly done anything, and
wish I could do more. This is God showing you that he loves you and has not
forgot you. We are going to drive to the gas station and get you some warm
food. Do you want to meet us there?”
At this point my heart was overflowing with emotion. I did
not feel sorry for this man or pity him. I did not feel obligated to help him
out of Christian duty or obedience. Instead, I was experiencing the heart of my
Savior. I was partaking in His love for us. Words do not adequately describe
this encounter. He said, “I am lost. I am try to get to Vartikian Street. Do
you know where it is?” It sounded familiar to me but I wasn’t entirely sure. I
told him I would get my phone and google map it. The street was about a mile
and a half away. I showed him on the map, but he still seemed confused. So we
wrote it down on a piece of paper for him.
I gave him a hug and said, could you meet us at the gas
station?
He said, “Yes, of course.”
Then we got in our car, made a U-turn on Polk to go the gas
station. The gas station had no warm food. So we walked out to meet him and
tell him. The LORD said, “You have a car, go to the 7-11 at the next street.” I
greeted him, “What is your name friend?”
“Tom, my name is Tom.” He replied. I shared with him that we
were going to go to 7-11 and get some warm food for him. We agreed that he
would walk down Polk towards Vartikian to stay warm and get there as soon as he
could. So we parted ways and went to 7-11. There we got some warm food, a
wrapped muffin for later, a banana, and my daughter grabbed a gallon size water
jug. She saw these warm fuzzy sweater socks for Tom as well. We got back into
the car and drove to find Tom, on his way to Vartikian. We saw him on Polk
sitting down. We flipped a U-turn and parked next to him.
“Hey Tom, here is some warm food and a muffin for later.
Also we wrote our phone number down, so you know how to reach us. I am going to
drive to be sure you are going the right way, so you don’t get lost.” I shared
with him.
He smiled and said, “I feel like a little kid, and you guys
came to save me.” I did not want to be his Savior and I did not want him to
feel like we were doing this out of pity, but rather love. “No, we are not here
to save you, we are just here to love you, and to show you that you are
valuable.” I responded raw and wrecked by the presence of God. I was curious to
know what was at Vartikian Street. So I asked him, “Are you staying with
someone who lives on Vartikian?”
He responded, “Yes, there is someone who lets me stay in their
den. I used to own my own company and have had a series of unfortunate events.
I am a 60 year old man who just wants a job and a place to live. I don’t want
to be a burden on people or ask for handouts.”
Here was this beautiful soul standing before me, full of
life and joy and positive and kind. The moon was bright and the new day was
upon us, midnight. Tears welled up in my eyes and spilled over. I saw him. Not
his age, or status, or race or misfortune. I saw HIM… the intensely stunning
SOUL of this human, and it was breathtaking. It was true and genuine and
vulnerable. Tom’s soul was full of life and hope and love, even though his flesh
was cold and wet and tired and hungry. This man who offered his only jacket to
my shivering daughter, not knowing she had a sweater inside the car. This man
who beamed hope in the midst of dire circumstances. This man whose only wish
was to have a job and a place to live.
My daughter and I told him that we would love for him to
stay in touch with us. That we would do our best to help in any way we could. I
told him that we would love to have him over for Christmas and if he had no
place to go, we would love to have him. “Really you would have me over for
Christmas, wow, that’s incredible…. I will, I will keep in touch and call you.”
He graciously responded.
We said our goodbyes as he was nearing Vartikian Street and
told him that he had blessed us. His face again glowed and he said, “Thank you
and God Bless You.”
Overwhelmed.
I drove away and began to weep. Not because I was sad for
him or felt sorry for him… but because I had caught a glimpse of the deep AGAPE
LOVE of my God. I had tasted just a sliver of this amazing grace Jesus gave us
when HE left the perfection of eternity to empathize with his creation.
Something in me broke… tears were overwhelming my face and I could not
formulate words to articulate the encounter. Even now as I record this event
with the written word, I am spilling over like a spring of water that just
broke through the hard dry earth to give life to its surrounding.
Overwhelmed.
I saw the religious spirit writhe in pain as I partnered
with my God to show His love to a son, an heir of the kingdom of heaven. I feel
freedom in the tears, as if something that was a burden suddenly was lifted.
Our purpose on this earth is to LOVE… PERIOD. To love in such a way, that it cannot
come from our own good deeds, but from a depth that can only be found in
walking with the King of Kings and LORD of lords. May we, God’s people not get caught
up in good deeds, but rather be overwhelmed by God’s purpose for this world.
“Those who twist their mustache are easy to spot; but those
who clothe themselves in good deeds are well camouflaged.” –Captain Picard,
Star Trek, Next Generation
