Counting the Cost of Freedom

The lights in the room are turned off, music plays, lyrics flash on the screen in the room.

Twenty seven young men sit and watch as the words flash in front of their eyes:

I won't stay here another night

If I gotta sacrifice

Who I am on the inside

I'd rather be an outsider

And you can stay if you'd like

I'll see you on the other side

I wanna live the free life

I'd rather be an outsider [5x]

Yeah

Outsiders

I really can't tell if I'm over-dressed or I'm under-dressed

If I'm under-paid, or just over-stressed

If I'm cynical, or just over this

Cause I'm tired of trying to get over them

Man, it's over then, party's over

You probably couldn't tell that we over here, because you hardly sober

Double shots in that ego

They laughing at us, yeah, we know

Maybe at the bottom, but we not forgotten

The directors plotting that sequel

Till' then we live on the outside

And it might storm and we might die

But, I'd rather go where my fist high

Standing outside of your inside

I tried my best to fit in

Looking for a suit to fit in

Standing outside of your prison

Trying to find ways I could get in

Now I realize that I'm free

And I realize that I'm me

And I found out that I'm not alone cause' there's plenty people like me

That's right there's plenty people like me

All love me, despite me

And all unashamed and all unafraid to speak out for what we might see

I said there's plenty people like me

All outsiders like me

And all unashamed and all unafraid to live out what they supposed to be

Uh

I know what they asking for, I know what they asking for

But, how you gonna come and charge me, my life is sold, and then turn around and ask for more

Time to go, plus the line is long

I'ma color the outside, but lines a drone

If you wanna exclude me, for being the true me

It's Gucci, I already found my home

Homesick

Homeless, if I'm on this

Cause' my home is somewhere I ain't never been before

I'ma own this here gift, even if it doesn't fit in the box that'll bleed these folks

Some of ya'll don't need these quotes

I ain't tryna' eat, I'm tryna' feed these folks

Martin, Mandela, yeah, we need these folks

We believe these folks

We can be these folks

Yeah

But they want me to take an L

Tired of taking losses, so they can call me a failure

I failed at being you, but I'm winning at being me

I'm winning at being free, ain't no competition but me

See I realize that I'm free

And I realize that I'm me

And I found out that I'm not alone, and there's plenty of people like me

I said there's plenty of people like me

All outsiders like me

All unashamed and all unafraid to live out what they supposed to be

Outsiders!

You spend your time

So many lives

Turn on the lights

Open your eye

We'll be running through the night

It's brighter on the other side

Somethings bigger than You and I

Brighter on the other side [5x]

The lights turn on and they are looking at a fisherman of Jesus. His heart is full and his passion is intense. He is overwhelmed with love for the boys who are seeking the Christ, a Savior. He is not eloquent, he did not receive a Bible degree or any degree for that matter. He is like Peter. An entrepreneur, who left all he had to follow Jesus. When Jesus said walk on water, Peter said, “Yes Lord.” Peter was the only one of his followers who said yes. It is true with this 21^st century Peter. When the Lord said, “Trust Me, Follow Me, Believe Me,” he said yes.

The young men listen intently, yet they are still young men. Giggles, phones flashing off and on, fidgeting, pushing each other to move, getting up to go to the bathroom, take a phone call or get more food. There are only males in the group. No young girls to distract them from hearing the Holy Spirit. I see them crowded around the room, on couches, laying on the floor, sitting on the fringes and realize they have become brothers. They are becoming a family. They are open and honest, they share their struggles and fears and weaknesses. They cry in front of each other, confess sin to each other, grow with each other.

They are learning how to be an Outsider. Learning how to Rebel against the world. They are multicultural, coming from very different backgrounds and experiences. Their hearts are torn into pieces from a life that isn’t fair. Many of them do not have fathers that are present. Raised by single moms or grandmothers, they long to know what a REAL MAN is. They are desperate, hungry for TRUTH. They want to be different. They want to be Men of Honor, Men of Character, Men of Integrity.

So the group grows. It started with 6 young men, 2 of which were our own. Some young men gave their lives to Christ at a football camp, but had no place to grow. The fisherman saw that they needed a place, so started a little Bible Study, called Real Talk. He gave them space to come as they were. Rough, cussing, drinking, smoking pot, having sex - young men, followed the fisherman to grow in their new found faith. That was September 2012. Those 6 young men were discipled and loved, and learned how to be a follower of Jesus. The next year, September 2013, the young new fishermen started sharing their faith with others. One by one new boys started coming. One by one young men gave their lives to Christ. One by one young men made a public profession of faith and were baptized. The group grew; in faith and in number.

Then, it happened. Something I used to read about in Revelation. Something that seemed so far off from my everyday life. Christians being beheaded for their faith. Twenty one young men, going about their lives, were abducted and brought to an ISIS camp for the purpose of terror and threat. They weren’t much different from our young men sitting in the youth room we meet in. Men, on their way to work, newly married, looking for a job. Men who were fathers, sons and husbands. They weren’t radical Christians, they were everyday Christians. Men, who went to church, who worked, who loved their families. My image of what the beheaded Christians looked like in Revelation was very different than what I saw on the news. They are us, just in another country. They were once new believers, walking away from the world and walking in faith in a country that denies it. They were Outsiders who died for their faith, who were killed simply because they loved Jesus.

I look around the room and see the two young men who just gave their lives to Christ this weekend. I wonder if they know how much it costs to follow Jesus. I wonder if they would lose their life for Him, knowing that they would spend eternity with their Savior. For these boys a beheading is far from their minds. But death is not. Just the week before another young life was taken by gangs. They are familiar with it. They know how short life can be. The fisherman reads Romans 12; Do not be conformed to this world, but renew your mind. For this group of young men walking away from the world, it is the biggest challenge of their lives.

They are learning to be Outsiders. They are beginning to believe that they are free, they are realizing who they are and that there are plenty of people like them, all love them, despite them; all unashamed and all unafraid to speak out for what they might see. Outsiders who aren’t afraid to live out what they are supposed to be.

And so, this group of Outsiders becomes a family. They stand outside the prison, door open and encourage others to follow them to the place where freedom is.

Please pray for our Christian men. They are being devoured by the enemy. Please consider partnering with what God is doing in our West Fresno/Easton area.

For more information about how you can partner with us call 559-776-9313

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Remembering the lost.....

We walked in when Janessa’s mom was telling her story. She was at the laundry mat with her nine year old daughter. All of a sudden she heard fire crackers and asked her mom why? Janessa’s mom thought they were too, but a friend said they were gun shots. Then Janessa told her mom her stomach hurt. Her mom looked and saw what looked like a cigarette burn. Her friend realized it was a gun shot. She was rushed to the hospital. Her mom recalled the last things her daughter said to her and shared how amazing her little girl was.   Many tears were shed, many people were holding each other. On stage congressmen, police officers, pastors and faith based organizations stood to support the family. An innocent life taken, in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Then this mother, who had just lost her daughter to senseless violence, said in a loud voice…”I forgive the ones who were involved in this shooting.”

Tears streamed down my face. My resolve grew even stronger. Why do these kids do these things? Why do they think shooting at each other is going to solve anything?

It took me back to 2011. My mother was dying of cancer, Elijah was playing football at an underprivileged high school and we were barely surviving. I read on Facebook that a young African American boy was shot in the head during a Russian roulette game, from Edison high school. It grieved my heart, but I was so disconnected from it, the reality of this life did not scathe me. The next day, while I was at a football practice I met a young man, who played football with my son. He was a very nice looking man, with enchanting eyes and a strong sense of pride. I engaged him, asking about his life and why he wasn’t practicing. He shared that his friend had just been shot and killed and didn’t feel like practicing. I determined, through our conversation, that it was the young man I had read about on Facebook.

Something happened to me that day. It connected me to the boy who was shot. I was just one person away from it. My kids were going to school with the kids who were affected by it. I changed me. It gave me resolve to make a difference, to be a positive voice in the mind of the youth, were so much negative is spoken over them. I vowed on the deceased young man’s Facebook page to make his life matter. To make a difference in his community.

Three years later, my husband and I are all in. Coaching, Bible Study, FCA, camp, prayer, making dinners, encouraging words... I had a conversation with the same young man from that football practice in 2011, Isaac, before he graduated about a shirt he was wearing. It that had three young men on it and R.I.P. across the top. I inquired about the young men on the shirt and he told me that one was his cousin, one was his older brother and one was the young man he told me about earlier that was shot from Russian roulette.

“Why?” I asked him. “Why do young men get involved in this kind of activity?” He began to tell me their stories. Each one of them. What happened, how they were shot, who was responsible and when it happened? I listened carefully, trying to find the key to stopping the violence. I asked him again, “Why does this happen so often in West Fresno?” I asked him. His answer shocked me, troubles me to this day. “Because we have nothing to do. People get bored, so they hang out and smoke and drink and get involved in gangs to have something to do.”

My heart skipped a beat. His answer was so matter of fact. He was so certain that if there were things to do, less people would get involved in gangs. He continued to tell me that there are skateboard parks in North Fresno, but not here. There are lights on at night for basketball in North Fresno, but not here. There are movie theaters and shopping centers to go to and do stuff in North Fresno, but not here. Then he continued to articulate his belief that with those kind of things in their community there would be positive things to do, jobs to work and poverty would be less. His intelligence and well thought out response told me he had thought about this many times.

I told him that I was going to do whatever it takes to make a difference. I shared my passion for the community and how God gave me a love for the youth in this community. He smiled and said, “Thanks that means a lot to me.”

Isaac encouraged Bill and I to do what we are doing now. Two years in the making RAW has become a full time ministry for us. Reaching youth, showing them how much they are loved and valued is our goal. In doing so, we found that much of what Isaac said is true. However, the source of violence stems in a mindset that has been passed down from generation to generation that affects the way family life happens.

Many of the youth we encounter come from broken homes. There is no sense of family life that is healthy and safe. In reality, the simple truth in how to stop gang violence lies in a simple action…. LOVE.

Love covers a multitude of sins

Love never fails

Love gives hope

Love produces value

Love gives purpose

Love multiplies

Love invades

God is LOVE

The practical aspects of engaging young people to steer away from gangs, violence and drugs can be found in the “things to do” as Isaac said; but the life changing events that make a difference lie in relationships, rooted in love and lived out in truth.

Janessa’s mom sat down and many faith based organizations shared how they are doing their part to help Stop the Violence. I didn’t even stop to think about the thugs who shot her. Why would I? There senseless violence took and innocent life.

The next morning I woke up to a foggy day schedule. We all got to sleep in and I was thankful for some added sleep. My phone beeped and I looked to see what the notification was telling me. Someone pinned one of my Pinterest pins; someone liked my Instagram photo; 5 new emails; Full lives on Candy Crush; Facebook notifications; Instant Messenger. I clicked on the Instant Messenger to see who sent me a message. I opened it. A mom from Washington Union wrote:

“Did you hear about Isaac Sears? I am just sad by it all.”

My heart stopped.

“No, what happened?” I responded.

“He was arrested for 9 year old Janessa shooting death. Him and another gang rival. I will share the link…. Praying for all,” she wrote back.

“What?!?!? Are you sure? I thought he went to college!” I typed frantically.

As I waited for her to post the link, I frantically looked it up. I saw the story on ABC news, clicked it and read. It said Isaac Stafford and Brian Cooks were involved. Sigh of relief left my lips.

“It said Isaac Stafford…not Sears… thank goodness!!!” I wrote her back.

“It’s him. Didn’t you see the pic? I don’t know why a different name” was her quick response.

Her next message was a picture of the two young men involved.

I started to cry. It can’t be him… There is no way this kid is involved in this. He had such resolve and focus to go to college and play basketball and stay out this kind of life, since 3 of the people he loved were lost to it.

It was him. The young man who encouraged me to do what I do today. All of a sudden my mind wandered to the Stop the Violence rally. I was so angry and disgusted at the thugs who did this and gave them no other thought. But this “thug” was not a thug at all. In fact that would be the last word I would use to describe him. He was in no means a perfect kid. But generally kept his head down to do what needed to be done to play basketball in high school and college.

Another layer of love opened up in my heart.

The first layer was the night I was taking a kid home from Bible Study. Noah and I were in the front seats and 3 of the boys from Real Talk were in the back. We were all laughing and joking around, Lecrea playing in the background. I was following the directions of one of the boys to get to his house. As I turned the corner, there was a drug deal going down. The guys at the window saw my 1999 red Cadillac and jumped. The driver opened his door and pulled a gun on us. I put the car in reverse and punched it harder than I have ever driven before. My heart was beating out of my chest, “Ummm, is there another way to your house?” I asked the boy calmly.

We took another way and I dropped him off. I found out that one of the biggest drug dealers in the West Side had the exact car that we had, so it was a case of mistaken identity. I was thanking Jesus for protecting us, when all of a sudden my heart grieved. Instead of going through the what ifs in my head, as I usually do, I thought about the boy who lived in this neighborhood. I was devastated that he has to live this out every day. My heart changed. Instead of thinking about me, I thought about him.

I literally wondered if I could actually reach such a hard and dark place. I questioned our little Bible Study and pondered if we were making a difference at all. The fear I usually have, melted away into a puddle of love for these families and kids, who live in a community that suffers greatly.

I looked at Isaac’s picture, read all the stories that were posted about the event and just cried and prayed. I did not know what else to do. The Lord reminded me of a book I read by Jackie Pullinger, Chasing the Dragon. She went into the worst city in Hong Kong and dealt with the vilest gangs. Yet, her little Bible Club began to grow and change an entire city. It moved the hardest gangs to their knees in faith of Jesus and hundreds and thousands were set free from a life of drugs, gangs and human trafficking. I realized that is was no different here. Our little Bible Club was making a difference. Our prayers were effecting change. Our persistence to LOVE was changing lives.

And so we continue to fight the good fight. Praying for those who are the shooters, as well as though who have been shot. All need hope, all need love, all need forgiveness. I am so thankful for Janessa’s parents. In their forgiveness to Brian and Isaac, they have shown more love than most. They have partnered with us in showing love to those who many write off. Their love and forgiveness may be the very thing that brings them to the saving grace and hope that Jesus has to offer.

Today as I process the grief and the pain of a life gone too soon and young men, who will bear the burden of it. Today, we press on with the vision God has put in our heart, believing God is going to bring revival and hope.

If you would like to more about the vision God has put in our hearts and would like to support what we are doing to show the LOVE of Jesus, please:

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